Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
