i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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