spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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