the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm too high and old for this...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
