Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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