took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can I color on your dick again?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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