im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
