I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
