I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
