too bad you live with your parents still
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
