Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(224): View more from Illinois

I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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(786): View more from Florida

He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?

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(443): View more from Maryland

His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

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(315): View more from New York

Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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(207): View more from Maine

my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes

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