cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
