guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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