Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize