Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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