Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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