I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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