why didn't you poke me back
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
