My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
