You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
