it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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