I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
