Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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