omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
