best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
