I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
