I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
