He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
