just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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