apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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