U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Mom said you looked used
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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