so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
