I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
