david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
