this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
