My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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