Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
