I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude. I can hear the air.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize