He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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