I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
