After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
