Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
