Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
