When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
