I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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