I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
