what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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