can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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