Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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