Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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