I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.