On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
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Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
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Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever