I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"