Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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