The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
