Define "chronic" masturbator.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
