you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My feet surprised me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
