Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
