Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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