i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
