where am i from again
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
