420 ftw
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
