When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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