I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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