It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
