Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
