Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
